Six years ago I broke my right hip while completing one of my 2009 New Year’s resolutions – to run a 5K. Why not …I had lost the pregnancy weight. I was down to 127 lb. I was skinny so must have been in shape too – wrong! I drank and ‘bum smoked’ cigs, ordered a large hamburger and french fries, downed it in seconds between appointments with a huge-ass diet coke. (Inner voice, ‘Go after the next deal, you are working for your future so you can retire and wear matching jean jackets’).

Sure I was trying to challenge myself but was really trying to challenge my ego of what i could tackle, trample and shred next. I was not mindful about health other than being thin. I was not happy. I kept looking for a happy tonic. I ran that 5K with a chick named Kim that I have now lost touch with. Too bad, she was the  funniest girl that I had met in South Florida at the time. Anyhow we ran at a good pace, 11 minute miles and had never run a 5K. Kim said just strap your boobs down and run. So I did and pretended I was running towards the Happy Finish Line. When I was younger, I used to get cramps really badly and didn’t have the will power to persevere thru the agony. I’ve learned to do that and much more…

Well after that small run I headed home for a Superbowl gathering. Iced it never occurred to me it could be broken. After all I wasn’t 80! So kept going and played tennis and liked playing. I even played a match but don’t remember if I finished or not — I just know the quick lateral moves did not help the ache. I iced for two weeks… I’m tough, Cronin family motto is never ever give up. I continued on and on, living life in agonizing pain, unable to find my voice to wave the proverbial FLAG that says ‘I’m hurt and need help!’ I was pretty much left to self-resolve. I had surgery March 2010. OMG — I felt better the next day, and relied on my ex-sister-in-law’s estranged brother for rides to and from rehab and the kindness of two moms from my daughter’s pre-k class. I did my part, pushed and pushed and worked it out. I’m very grateful to those peeps. One year later, I tripped while cleaning bed bugs out of our 5 person household which triggers the 2005 car accident herniation, and bulges in my spine to pinch down in several areas, rendering me speechless in pain unless I was screaming. Ten months in bed in pain. Pain causes suffering for an entire family. Shots, steroids, more shots then more steroids in the form of prednisone and cortisone. ‘Oh and just take this for your sadness, your hurt and a little of that for sleeping, and don’t feel depressed that you entered early menopause – at least you live in a mansion’. That just doesn’t really soothe my soul that is challenged with the choices presented in the form of illusion and truth. I finally woke the heck up and remembered just who I was.

Today I just ran. It wasn’t a 5K but it was in my neighborhood. Choosing to change my attitude gently awakened me, music taught me to re-accept movement, yoga inspired me to reach the internal and external galaxies, and the I AM presence gifted blessed graces me with the sense to always bow to the Supreme.

By the way, it was the tastiest morsel i could have served and that I would biggie dang size any minute of any second.

Illuminating in nOwness

–for Scott, Susan & Moira